I. (Recurring) My identical twin sister has been in some kind of obscure, terrible accident and needs a kidney transplant. As an exact donor-match, I’m obligated to give her a kidney. I’m frightened by the idea of losing an organ, but the surgeon informs me that as a special promotion, Apple is going to install a “KidneyPod” in the cavity in my back. I agree to the procedure. The USB outlet in my side gets funny looks whenever I wear a bathingsuit.
II. An abandoned apartment building in Munich is a magical gateway into Narnia. It only works once. I can’t get back to Narnia, and I’m just stuck in a run down flat eating Ramen noodles with some people who look conspicuously like elves. Not Lord-of-the-Rings elves, though. Christmas elves.
III. I get a job babysitting Matt Damon’s children. I realize how old he is and decide to stop hanging around the Starbucks underneath his apartment building. Does Matt Damon even have children?
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